Ill/Sick

I am sick, sick, sick. I have a fever. I'm shivering. I coughed so hard earlier that I threw up. This sucks BALLS! Seriously. I have 17 days left til graduation and I am busy coughing up a lung. Not cool. Tomorrow I will go to the health center. They won't do anything though :( I hope my fever is still around tomorrow so that they can take me more seriously.

Men

Update on relationships:

The boy i like does not have an official girlfriend. Though he may have another girl he is interested in. We hooked up twice. Now he is ignoring me. FUCKING DOUCHEBAG! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! woo. i just needed to say that...i feel better now. and I technically don't hate you...but I am ridiculously confused by you. Should I say something? Should i stay quiet? I am usually pretty blunt with my feelings and confusion because I don't handle uncertainty well. My friend wants me to stay quiet. But if i stay quiet our friendship might disappear as well as the possibility for more. And even if we are never in a relationship...you kiss freaking amazingly. I miss it already and its only been a bit. fuck. Did our mutual friend (who admitted he likes me) tell you something that made you turn away? did you hook up with someone else and decide I am not good enough? are you a douchebag like I suspect? fuck. i hate this. If you do not contact me or talk to me by Wednesday night...i am going to say something. i can not handle the suspense and the awkwardness.

Poem

This was going to be a song with a chorus, but I like it better as just spoken word.

A Relationship in Parts

Part 1

It’s the deepest part of winter
And it seems a lot like summer when he’s near
Cause he brings coffee in the rain
Feel the beat of the caffeine
Does it leave you breathless?
All alone before the freeze
In tiny little beads of snow
That drift and fill the angels down below.

Part 2

He spreads slick poison out his tongue
It tastes like the first time you had rum
But it’s not your last time
He’ll love you again
In shiny painted keys
Remembering all there was to give
In little notes and happy hopes
He’ll play on your fantasies

Part 3

He slithers in the background
Seeking out things for him alone
And he yells across the room
“We’re never quite alone!”
And that’s the problem you have too
With his tired eyes and looser chords
He’s not playing anything for you anymore.

During College Confusion Part 1

relationships:
I like a boy, but i think he has a girlfriend. He semi-flirts with me, so if he does have a girlfriend I feel bad for her.

health:
I'm randomly really stressed and I'm still sick. Thankfully the sickness is just this obnoxious cough. Other then the cough I feel fully recovered.

future:
I was talking to Angela and she was telling me about Americorps which sounds like an interesting program. I would totally be a part of it, but I would like to get my driver's license first. If they are still accepting applications for stuff after I've gotten my drivers license I will apply.

After College Part 3

Since it is not quite after college yet I think I should do a countdown of sorts until that day does come.

Days until I graduate: 44 days.

Things to finish first:
1 midterm.
1 essay.
1 10 page play.
3 finals.

Shitty Week

This week sucks.

I have been sick and since everyone is worried about the swine flu i have been freaking out. I know I probably don't have the swine flu, but it's hard not to be freaked out about it anyways.

I am also experiencing cramping pains. BOO!

And lastly...I broke up with Kevin. He took it nicely, but was clearly REALLY fucking sad about it. Which makes me REALLLY fucking sad about it. I almost wish he had turned into a douche over it...then I wouldn't feel like such a piece of shit.

F U Blogspot

No seriously blogspot is not my friend today.

But in other news. I am very confused about the state of my relationship. We shall see how it goes.

Also: I am writing an essay today about police reform. its due at 6pm today. I realllly don't want to go to class. Cause I am sick :(